So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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