The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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