I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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