Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
