I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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