i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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