Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
