3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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