apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
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the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
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She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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