You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
