He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
