It's Friday. Sex?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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