started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
