peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
