My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
