There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
