Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
