Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
