you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
where are my eyebrows?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
