you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
