Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
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For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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