This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
