Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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