i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
