Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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