I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize