You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
