who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
