I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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