turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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