thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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