At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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