Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
