there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
