I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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