I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
