What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
