btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
