So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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