I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I smell stomach acid.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize