sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
