my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
