Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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