God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You made out with two different species that night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
