so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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