Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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