Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
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Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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