You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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