is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
