1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
