im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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