They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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