I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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