my phone needs a breathalizer
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
