i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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