Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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