Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
