cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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