It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
