i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
