what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
