I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
