Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
