Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
